One of those nights

This semester will be very painful, frustrating and stressful. Writing thesis is not easy at all. Every Wednesday at 1 p.m. I'm always nervous walking in to Dr. Dooley's office. And always overwhelmed walking out of it. And everytime Becca knocks on my office's door, I always go, "alrite, she's going to the library again!"

Part of me said, "Who cares about thesis! Why didn't I choose coursework over thesis?" But a big part of me said, "I can do it! I'll get through it!" I couldn't really sleep last night thinking how my thesis is gonna be put together. The minute I got frustrated about it, another thought came. COMPS is approaching!!! Yeah, this is another scary part of graduate school. Now my important dates are set. And I'm walking slowly to get there!

COMPS: Saturday, April 1, 2006

Thesis Defense: Friday, April 28, 2006

This morning, as frustrated as I was last nite, I read this encouraging entry that Jasmine, my buddy, posted. It's funny how we think about the same thing at the same time.

"I just saw this in one of those forwarded emails, and its really going to be my motto as i sail the rough waters of thesis writing.

calm seas never make skillful sailors.

i know my goal is to finish writing. sometimes, especially during the afternoons, i doubt myself, and thought of just going home. deserting the stupid thesis and just walk away. sometimes, as i am holed up in my tiny apartment reading some difficult to understand words of wisdom, a tiny thought will creep in...."what is it like to do nothing but eat tons of red bean ice cream, and watch endless television now?"

you should see my buddy and i lugging the stacks of books home from the library. i have 10 big books, thick and square. she has more than 10, (cos' she's more kiasu) haha...we could barely walk with those books in our arms. and we each carry a heavy bag, with more notes and stationary in it.

you should see my buddy and i when we listen to other people's progress in their thesis writing. we listen in fear (that we can never catch up), and we listen in awe (at their accomplishment).

you should see my buddy and i when we reach shelf p96.15 (mass communication theory and criticism), or bf 375 (self identity), or HM 101 (cultural studies). yes, those are library indexes. we climb stools, stretch with our might to reach that precious books, nearly toppling over each other sometimes, posing real bodily harm to the other. we sprawl out on the dirty carpet of the library with books stack around us, just figuring which one we want to borrow. yes! we just sit around whereever we like, surrounded by treasure troves of thoughts written by people who have struggled before us. perhaps in the same fashion..

amelia, can you imagine Marshall McCluhan, or Stuart Hall, or John Fiske, or Chomsky scrambling in the library like us? or even Dooley, Huxman, Dr. Wang, Dr. Hertzog, WILLIAMSOM, boyle, armstrong, Judy Bergan, Sriramesh! all sitting on the library floor?

we are at the end, almost at the end, not at the end yet.

we strive to be

"top of the pop"
"stupid nevermind, must be very fast"
"get our acts together"

we are two graduate students, huddling close, trying to sail the rough waters....

I know we will be strong, skillful sailors!!

My ship is starting to sail, into troubled waters, is yours there yet?" (Tan, 2006)

I truly thank God that He put someone on my path as I walk through this painful journey.

Miss Jasmine Tan, I can already see the finish line from here!

Lets run!!!!!!!!

*By the way, this is a UMass' red!! *